i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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