I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Rumble strips road head = magical
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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