What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
third nipple confirmed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
