Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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