Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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