If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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