I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
