reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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