So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
