Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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