you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
