she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
