Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
