Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
