I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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