There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize