i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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