so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
