don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
