I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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