If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
