My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
