We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize