Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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