I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
