shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
did you just send me my own nude
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
