Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
