Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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