I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
