Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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