I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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