I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
