I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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