I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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