Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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