so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
