he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
