My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
