I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
