just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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