I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
