dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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