At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
