the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
