Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
