i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
