my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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