Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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