We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
