can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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