i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
