So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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