pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
