just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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