its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
