Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
