Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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