how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
