I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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