i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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