Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
