Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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