I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
