the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
