I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my poor anus
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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