I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
