Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
