I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
