Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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