pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize