Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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