hotel room ftw
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
