I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize