batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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