i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
