dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
