your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
