Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
