New invention idea: vibrating tampons
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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