His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
