Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
