Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
