May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
