we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
