Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
